*Condensed for submission* 

This ritual was a challenge for me as I was on crutches and/or knee cart but it did not distract me from being fully involved in all aspects of this ritual. I knew what to expect in terms of invocations and such as I wrote them, but they became something powerful when I spoke my own words around so many people. I lead my first ever meditation in a group setting and while I don't feel very confident in it I know that I will only get better. I am a member of our newly formed choral Bardic group and this was the first organized Bard performance and I felt it went quite well. I also learned how to make a floral crown with fresh flowers for the first time! 

I watched my first Maypole dance and it was the most amazing experience, I could not preform as my foot was in a cast but the energy was high all the same. What started as chaos developed into genuine merriment and it was such a warming feeling to me. Happiness is an emotion I am sensitive too and it just resonated around that Maypole. If that pole could glow from all the laughter sent up those ribbons it would certainly have been visible to the Gods above.
Our Beltane honored the Sidhe and I imagined them dancing with us around the maypole and delighting in our display of merriment. So many elements of this ritual clicked for me and reminded me that I do this because I love it, because it brings out the happiest part of me; the part that celebrates warmth and love and laughter and community. 
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*Original Free-Write*

I have no idea how I am going to condense these into about 150-250 words but I am calling that future Spider's issue. 

Before I get into my recap, I think it is important to explain something. My second ritual since starting the DP program was our Grove's (Columbia Protogrove) Spring equinox ritual. This ritual was Hillaria of the Roman hearth culture and as I don't feel a particular draw to the Roman hearth it was a new learning experience for me. I wrote our grove's invocation to Apollo for inspiration and I really enjoyed looking into the God. I will probably start posting the invocations I write for Columbia Protogrove in my Dedicant Journal. I even constructed a gown, a contemporary style sea foam green toga that fit both the Roman aesthetic and springtime. I was super excited furthermore as my husband was co-leading his first ritual ever. 
However, less than 24 hours before the ritual I had a freak accident and broke my foot. A trip to the doctor revealed that I would need surgery and with a ritual 2 hours after I put on my first walking boot, there was just no way I could make it. That entire day I was bummed, I cried from the pain of my foot but I also mourned that I would be missing the first ritual with Columbia Protogrove in over 6 months. But thats life, and I needed to heal. 

I would be in a cast for Columbia Protogrove's next ritual, Beltaine but more importantly, I was co-leading it. I was incredibly nervous to begin with. With School, Family life, my temporary handicap, and the responsibility of writing large parts of the ritual itself, it was a truly powerful experience. I helped with the logistics of the Maypole, I made decorations, I wrote many of our invocations, I decided appropriate offerings and so forth. It was a TON of pre-work before ritual, but I was devoted, it was an Irish Beltaine and I truly wanted to do it. 

So for this week's assignment, I will not be writing about Spring Equinox, Instead I will be writing about Beltaine and my experiences during the ritual itself. 
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• High Day Celebrated: Beltaine
• Date Celebrated: April 26th 2015
• Who lead the Rite: Columbia Protogrove  members David and Amber (Myself!)
• Number of Attendees: 30-35
• Gatekeeper: Lugh
• Deities of the Occasion: Goddesses Danu, Columbia, Brigid, and Ainè, and the Gods Lugh, Manannan Mac Lir, Aengus Mac Og, and the Noble Ones, the Sidhe
• Omen Method: Tarot

Omens: 
The Ancestors: the Mirror-Moon
Nature Spirits: the Guardian- Devil
Gods and Goddess: the Stag- Strength

Leaving an overall feeling of emphasis on inner strength, reflection, and encouragement to walk each of our paths with honor and purpose and to not let the condescending voices of others, personal insecurity or negativity derail us from our intentions. Be strong, walk (or strut) you path; use the drive and momentum of Beltane at this time to fuel you for we have their support and encouragement.

This ritual was a challenge for me as I was on crutches and/or knee cart but it did not distract me from being fully involved in all aspects of this ritual. Being a ritual leader this time, I knew what to expect in terms of invocations and such (as I wrote them) but they really became something more powerful when I spoke my own words around so many people. My nervousness faded very quickly and I was able to truly enjoy the entire ritual. Offerings went very well and I felt that everyone felt welcome and among friends. I lead my first ever meditation in a group setting and I don't feel very confident that I did super well but I know that I will only get better. When I first heard the meditation to meet Aengus and Aine I asked our grove leader if I could read it instead of him so I had volunteered because I was moved by the message and story. I was happy to share that even if it felt a bit long winded but that could also be mostly insecurity talking. This was the first ritual with Columbia Protogrove in which we did our meditations with a singing bowl and it made such a HUGE difference in terms of focus and grounding. (Something I struggle with in a public ritual environment) I am a member of our newly formed Bardic group and this was the first organized Bard performance since we started having practices and I felt it went REALLY well. I absolutely love to sing and have been missing choir in my life so I am thrilled to have the opportunity to sing again with a group and help raise energy on high days like this. For the first time since Imbolc I did not make a new gown for the High Day, my handicap made sewing impossible so I wore a long pink renaissance gown that has significant meaning to me as my grandmother helped me sew it when I was younger. I did however, learn how to make a floral crown with fresh flowers for the first time! 
Although I could not participate myself due to my handicap, I watched my first Maypole dance in a public environment and it was the most amazing experience. I laughed so much because there was so much happiness and joy from everyone. What started as chaos developed into genuine merriment and it was such a warming feeling to me. Its one thing to be in the middle with all the ribbons trying to remember which way to weave and its totally something else to watch from the outside and let each smile, each child or adult's laugh collect in your heart. This is what fun is. Community fun. Happiness is an emotion I am sensitive too and It just resonated around the Maypole. If that pole could glow from all the laughter sent up those ribbons it would have been visible in space an beyond. 
As our Beltane honored the Sidhe I imagined them dancing with us around the maypole and delighting in our display. So many elements of this ritual clicked for me and reminded me that I do this because I love it, because it brings out the happiest part of me. The part that celebrates warmth and love and laughter and community. 

Spring Equinox

Spring Equinox in the Weish hearth culture is called Alban Eilir, which means “Light of the Earth” and is one of 3 Welsh high days associated with springtime!  From this point forward days grow longer until their peak at Summer Solstice at Alban Hefin.

"Alban Eilir, at the point of balance between Imbolc and Beltane, is at the point of balance too between day and night, and it is a perfect time to open to the quality of balance in our own lives."- Nuinn, (http://www.druidry.org/druid-way/teaching-and-practice/druid-festivals/spring-equinox-alban-eilir)

While Imbolc gave us a hopeful beginning to the first stirring of springtime, Alban Eilir gives us a first official beginning to the season of growth and fertility.

In many Indo-European cultures, including Welsh, this is a time for focus on agriculture as the planting season was beginning. In Gaul Agricultural tools are blessed on this day and Agriculture and Weather gods such as Ambaxtonos and Taranis are honored. (Our Own Druidry, 64).
 
This would be the time to prep the land for tilling, bless seeds to ensure their growth, pray to deities of fertility to help with all areas of reproduction and life. The quickly breeding hare is associated with this holiday as a strong symbol of fertility, and we see this custom reflected today in the giving of Easter eggs by the Easter bunny. Hares in ancient times were once widely believed to be hermaphroditic, male one month and then female the next. This fascinating view of these creatures really fits with the Spring Equinox from a metaphorical stance, as the Equinoxes are a time of balance, between night and day, as well as masculine and feminine. 

​Neopagans celebrate Spring Equinox by blessing seeds, gardening, decorating eggs, and leaving offerings of milk and food for a variety of deities and to the land spirits who are responsible for overlooking the fertility of this land. 

*Written April 14th 2015*
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This week was all about learning meditation techniques that work for ourselves. This is not my first meditation by far, both in a group setting or solo. This is the second recorded solo meditation in my journal at this time though.

I chose to follow the Two Power meditation that was presented by the Sassafras Grove 9 day Brighid along. The meditation I chose was day 9 the "Healer Meditation"

(http://sassafrasgrove.org/2015/01/31/brighid-along-day-nine-healer/)

Personally, I like the Two Power meditation and I love how the Sassafras Grove broke down several Brighid attributes and made slightly different meditations that I can fit with my needs at the moment. A little over 2 weeks ago I broke my foot in a very complicated manner and I experienced not only my first broken bone, but my first surgery, and my first time ever with limited mobility. I am normally a very stubborn woman so having something as basic as 'the ability to walk" taken away from me suddenly was very hard for me to handle.

I have struggled with personal feelings of being "weak", "stupid", "invalid","needy", "an incapable mother and partner" and really have had a hard time not being down on myself emotionally. This injury has been far more emotional challenging than it has been physically challenging for myself. Day after day I have been beating myself up and feeling "lazy" for letting my body heal when my mind is still going a mile a minute.

So tonight, as I am home alone, I lit a candle and some incense turned off all the lights and decided to do the Healer meditation for the first time.

I expected this meditation to focus on physical healing, but I was very surprised and this became a very emotional meditation for me. As always, with my anxiety issues, I struggle with regular breathing but it did not distract me from being able to connect.

There were a couple of key points in this meditation for me:

-I am beginning to truly isolate chills going up my body for the waters and down my spine from the fire and the same is true of the reverse. No matter how clothed I am or the room temperature, I always feel this "chills/tingling" sensation with those movements and it really truly helps me connect with these powers.

-In addition to the waters representing Unity, Healing, Balance and Purity, they also represented Compassion and Forgiveness. The second the meditation spoke of forgiveness I began to cry, the injury I suffer is more of not being able to forgive myself for how it effects everyone around me than it is of physical means. I NEEDED to feel that coursing through my body, I needed to let in the forgiveness that ! have been adamantly pushing out.

- "Let the powers separate, and allow the waters of stillness to flow downward from your center, through your legs and feet and down, down into the earth, keeping only what you need to heal yourself. Allow the fire of the stars to return through your chest, through your head and upward into the heavens, keeping only what you need to love yourself." 

Again, that last phrase, was exactly what I needed to hear and think about and reflect on right now. As soon as I heard it, I knew I was capable of applying this and moving forward.

I have yet to have a meditation where I took away nothing in the end, but this one carried some massive weight for me emotionally. I was reminded that healing is not limited to physical ailments and that forgiving oneself is crucial to true balance.

*Written and photographed on March 23rd 2015* 
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Week 7 is about our home shrines/altars. Mine is always a work in progress and on the more cluttery side but it serves me well. I theme my home shrine for the seasons and High Days so right now I have elements for Alban Eilir along with my kindred representations.

For the Gods and Godesses I have a stone mortar for burning incense or other small fire offerings. I also light the taper candle (the holder with the acorns is from Goodwill!) I have a huge fondess for taper candles and how they point up to the sky above everything else *a manifestation of our shining ones*.

My Nature Spirits elements take over the entire alter haha, *fitting as they are my strongest kindred*. My World Tree is a little Syngonium plant (named Sigmund) and I make water offerings via that beautiful brass pitcher. Because of my spiritual background with stones and crystals I have a multitude of seasonally and personally appropriate stones on my altar that are also Nature Spirit elements. The stone spider talisman goes with me anywhere I venture, he is my companion. At various times, for various reasons, I also have reclaimed bones on my alter (sometimes associated with my well). Right now I have two Eggs on my alter, one a natural candle and the other an artistic fragile one. These both represent the cosmic druid egg (the delicate one) and the natural fertility of the egg laying season of Alban Eilir. I really want a hare statue but I am extremely selective. I also have two different Oak branches and a hand twisted dogwood blood twig all personally collected and wove into a ring.

For my well, I have a lovely brassy bowl. At times I place the animal bones around it and I often make offerings of silver spiders and hand blended perfume oils.

Right now I am using a Faerie Oracle deck for omens but I am still learning what divination methods work best for omens for me.

"One of the reasons many people come to ADF is because they are looking for a religion or organization that is interested in both piety and study."-Rev. Michael J Dangler, the Dedicant Path through the Wheel of the Year


Yes. that statement above fully describes me. I am an academic person who thrives on learning about cultures around the world. The history of mankind, the origins of mythologies and so forth. This is what drew me into ADF. I also thrive on the encouragement to look outside my own personal interests and learn on a broad scale. At this time I gravitate and work strongly with the Irish Celtic hearth but there are many other Indo-European hearth cultures to learn, explore and gain wisdom on. ADF encourages a well-roundedness that I admire. 

Week 6 is all about picking out our first review/report book. Despite many groans and against the caution of others, I decided to read In Search of the Indo-Europeans: Language, Archaeology and Myth by J.P. Mallory. 

After reading the first 10 pages I fully understand why others had cautioned me against this title. This book reads like a college textbook, it is scientific, it is linguistic and honestly, a bit dry. BUT, that is the sort of book I want to learn from. As challenging as this book may be, its exactly what I am looking for. 

Now that summer break is alive for me and I am no longer reading other College level textbooks, I have time to focus on my book choice and I am very excited for it. As I read I will post little notes and such in my Dedicant Journal so that I can reflect on it later when I write my review. 

As of right now, if I am 100% caught up to my grove study group topics I should be on week 18 currently. Clearly I am not in terms of documentation. But there are a lot of High Day explanations and recaps in there and other topics that mentally I have completed even if I have not written them down yet. Over the next couple weeks I plan to be back on track. 

Our first book report/review is "due" on week 25 which is over a month from now. I see no reason why It would take me over a month to read this book so that is my new challenge. Read, learn, grow. 

As I am working through this program a bit in retrospect a lot of these notebook posts will be comprehensive accounts from the past couple months. This is one such time. 

Nature awareness is a huge part of me and always has been. In our reading for this week we see that ADF sees nature awareness in three facets: the awareness of nature as it exists around us physically; the awareness of the spirits of nature and their relation to us; and the awareness of the Earth Mother herself and the other deities who are also her children, and the relation of these beings to ourselves. 

Week 5 deals with the first; the awareness of nature as it exists around us physically. 

The assignment for this week is to pick a spot in whatever nature you feel drawn too, spend some time there (about an hour) and just take it all in. Reflect on what you experience and feel in your notebook. I have, in the past couple months done this in a few different environments. 

My college campus is a beautiful place, between the buildings are old growth trees and impressive gardens planted by students or donated by nurseries. It is a beautiful area that experiences the seasons rather spectacularly. I had a class that started shortly after sunrise as winter turned to spring and my bus always lets me off almost an hour early so one morning I braved the cold and sat among the trees. 

Although I was bundled in a scarf, gloves, hat, and warm clothing, it was very cold. It was still and quiet as it was a time before birds were awake even. College students are rarely up before the sun if they can help it so I had pretty much the entire campus to myself with a few rare exceptions. I remember looking up at the moon and seeing how it genuinely lit up the sky and it made me smile. The moon has always had this ability to pull me in and remind me of how everything is connected. The moon reminds me I am not alone because it can always see me in the darkness. The ground had a thick layer of frost that sparkled in the moonlight. Details revealed themselves to me and I forgot how cold I was. The stillness was astounding, every slight breeze would move leafless tree branches as the trees seemed to dance. They creaked a bit and I listened to their song to the wind in a time before the sun. I stayed here and listened. I smelt the moisture in the air, all of that frost made the grass smell so clean and wet. I could smell the dirt. I could smell many human things and more than once a person came walking past but I was easily able to avoid them interrupting my awareness to the natural environment. I tried to breathe deep and imagined that with each breath in the moon grew brighter, pulsing with me.  While I was there the sky began to warm up and took on a light orange pink glow. I could start hearing a bird every now and then and the frost on the ground seemed to glisten more brightly. As I sat there I watched the moons brightness fade giving way for the sun to cross the horizon and begin a new day. Clouds were scarce but present as the sky grew brighter and brighter. Minutes before I needed to leave my spot and head to my class I watched as the Sun rose into the sky in a brilliant display of pastel hues. Purple, blue and pink skies blended together like watercolor paints as if celebrating the new morning. The moon was dim, watchful, like the spider who witnesses all but remains still in the presence of high energy. The sun brought life to the stillness, there were lots of people around me now and a sense of urgency came over me. 

This was in the last while of wintertime, before the trees had leaves and when the air carried a chill, but the warmth of that sunrise brought more to my day than anything else in the world. 

I don't always sit outside while I wait for class like I did that day, but I do always look for the moon in the morning as I walk from the bus to the coffee shop and say hello. The moon is my companion when the world is still and dark. I appreciate the bite and chill of winter breezes on my nose. I breath deep in the scents of frost and dirt and grass along my way. And on days when its available, I wait for the sunrise to celebrate the new day and to give me a sense of power and energy that nothing un-natural is quite capable of. 

No amount of coffee will every energize me as much as a sunrise. Nature guides my emotions, nature makes me appreciate the little things, and I do. Every little thing. 

Imbolc:

The Imbolc ritual put on by my grove this year was led by our Arch Druid Kirk Thomas (now emeritus) on January 31st 2016,  and there were over 80 people in attendance.

This ritual was to honor the Irish Celtic Goddess Brigid and Kirk had handmade dozens of Brigid’s crosses to hand out to each guest as a token.  We held these crosses while he led a guided meditation to meet Brigid herself as the main working of the ritual. 
In the middle of that guided meditation to Brigid I had an overwhelming feeling/flash (like a flame behind my eyes) that I needed to open my eyes, NOW. When I did, I saw that a plastic ritual decoration had caught on fire.

As much as I would have loved to finish the meditation, I KNEW, there was a reason I had such an urgent pull to open my eyes. I quietly went and put the fire out. It was a strange feeling to feel sad about missing the meditation but to also to feel like Brigid had a more important mission for me alone. She had spoken to me as a fire tender.

​The ritual itself was beautiful, Kirk brought his theatrical flare to the ritual, my son walked around a corn doll representation of Brigid for everyone to see and offer too, and Brigid received offerings of goats milk, first spring flowers, Bardic song and a healthy amount of Irish whiskey to her massive fire. It was very cold outside, as we were outdoors, but nothing will stand out like that the heat and fire during that mediation for me. It is the first time I have been CALLED to action by a God. 

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Original free write: 

I am a member of a local grove (Columbia Protogrove) and this was the 4th High Day ritual I have been a part of with this group. One thing I would like to address first off was that I was asked to be the speaking priestess of Brigid ahead of time and so I wrote my own invocation from the heart and was very emotionally involved with this ritual. I was nervous to do this because I had not spoken out during rituals in the past but our Grove Leader asked me as I was leaning more on the Celtic Hearth culture as my own.  Before being asked this, I was inspired (I owe some inspiration to Brigid certainly) to sew a gown in white and red in reflection of my interpretation of Brigid at Imbolc time. I was also inspired, for the first time, to make a collection of decorations for our Grove ritual. I floated candles in containers of locally farmed milk. I built an earthen candle centerpiece: hollowed out some dirt and free-poured wax into it then decorated the outside with taper candles into the dirt as well. I took this time to learn how to make my own candles and dyed them red to reflect Brigid's love and fire.

In addition to all the excited prep work we had a bit of a grove leadership issue and the day of the ritual, because of this I was asked to take on even more active ritual roles. At first I was really nervous and felt unprepared for such responsibility but then I felt inspired by the spirit of Imbolc, the passion of Brigid, and the ancestral pull of Celtic Ireland and I knew I could do it.

The ritual itself went very well, my words were confident, heartfelt, and strengthened and fueled by Ogma and Brigid and although the children of the grove were loudly playing near our ritual I kept softly smiling to myself knowing that Brigid, a patron of motherhood, would understand and be honored by the playful sounds of children. Our Grove leader is of the Roman hearth culture so he allowed me to make some small changes to our offerings that I felt were more appropriate. Offerings to Brigid were local cows milk (instead of oil), and my son striking an anvil three times.

Numerous ritual guests commented on my wardrobe and told me it was a beautiful ritual when we were finished. I felt so amazingly proud of myself on every level, creatively and spiritually. I deeply believe that I had Brigid with me nurturing me, inspiring me, and giving me the right words while I spoke to our new grove guests. Imbolc attendance was the highest we have ever had for a High Day and we had several people join both our grove and ADF as well after speaking to me. I am still hearing accounts of people saying how much I affected them and I simply cannot believe it.

This ritual marks a dramatic turning point for me, this ritual is the first time I have genuinely felt the fire and passion behind my druid path, the first time I truly felt my relationship with Brigid and the first time I felt genuinely at home with the Celtic Hearth.

High Day/Feast: Celtic Imbolc

Imbolc:

The Celtic hearth February Feast, Imbolc, is a celebration during the first signs of springtime. Imbolc marks the halfway point of winter and a very important time in Ireland in terms of agriculture, the start of spring.  The earth is beginning to warm up and the milk begins flowing in pregnant lactating livestock. This is a time for hope and growth.
           
In Gaulish tradition, Imbolc is known as Usmolgos and it is a time to celebrate the promise of spring, the return of warmer days, growing daylight and to do spring cleaning by purifying the home (Our Own Druidry, 63).

In Irish culture this holiday honors the Goddess (and later Saint) Brigid. Brigid is arguably the most influential goddess throughout Irish history in that she was so loved that she was incorporated into Christian practice. She is a patron of motherhood and fertility, smith working, fire, poetry, and healing.

Many depictions of Brigid at Imbolc-time show her as a pregnant woman.  Fitting, as “Imbolc” translates to “In the Belly” in Irish Gaelic and this is the time for milk to return to ewes thus bringing new food and life after the cold winter.

Spanning across Indo-European cultures there is a focus on new growth (now is the time that plants spring back up into life and flowers bloom), new life (when pregnant animals show their promise of abundance), and the return of longer days (daylight).

​Since, Brigid is sometimes depicted with candles in her hair or standing near candles sprouting from the earth; a symbol of warming up the earth and moving on from the hibernation of winter, Neopagans can symbolize this by making and/or lighting candles and placing them on the frozen dirt or snow.  It is also appropriate to offer and appreciate spring flowers and animal milk at this time as well as taking the time to clean the home. (Spring cleaning!)

Last week I found some time to preform my first solo ritual and First Oath. Unfortunately, my oath was saved on my old laptop and I have since gotten a new one in that time so today I cannot add my oath to this post. I will post my First Oath in a separate post when I have access to it.

Doing my first oath was a very interesting experience. I choose to do a bit of research and flesh out the skeleton example in our text for my First Oath. It ended up being pretty wordy but I felt it was important. I will likely shorten it down so that I can repeat it on a more consistent basis and incorporate parts into my ritual itself.

It was very important to me to find a place outside to do this ritual. Luckily I live in an area that is near a wetland trail and I can reflect well in nature there. However, it is extremely challenging at the same time as it is a popular recreation trail and there is always foot traffic so my first oath would not be as private as I might like it to be.

I traveled a bit and walked off the path into an area near a little stream and it seemed like the right spot. Far enough away that I would be mostly unseen by foot traffic but I was still very distracted by other people so I will likely not go back to this spot.

I sat down and used a tree beside me as my World Tree, brought out a vessel for my well, and lit several candles and incense for the gods and goddesses. I also planted 3 beeswax candles into the earth to help warm it up a bit as seemed fitting for springtime.

As I began speaking out loud I felt the power of my words and truly felt aware of each of my senses and the spirits around me. It was surreal and very empowering. Having this stream trickling in front of me helped me block out anything else around me and travel to a place away from the city.

My offerings were:

Fragranced Oil and a silver spider charm to the Ancestors (Well).

A shiny marble, personally altered artistically for the enjoyment of the Nature Spirits (Tree)

Incense and my paper copy of my first oath to the Gods and Goddesses (Fire)

It felt extremely right after speaking my oath to burn it with the incense, in its own way sealing my oath.

I am still very new to divination and for my Kindred Omens I borrowed my husband's tarot deck. I am not trained with Tarot but I do believe in personal interpretation of Kindred Omens so here are the Kindred's Omens and my interpretations: 

Ancestors: King of Cups (The King of Cups represented by an emotional and sensitive king represents the Ancestors creating and sharing an emotional energy that is intended to assist me in calming my life experiences. I perceive this as the Ancestors helping me find emotionally intimate (not strictly academic!) balance with the past and reminding me to remain emotionally aware to deeper communication with them. This is something I truly need to do as the Ancestor Kindred is the one I have the hardest time connecting to. They want to connect, and they are inviting me to open up my sensitivity to them to strengthen our relationship)

Nature Spirits: 9 of Cups (This card is generally a happy "Wish come true" card. There are many ways I can interpret this card from the Nature Spirits but my personal perception is that they are as happy as I am to be developing stronger relationships with one another. It is a "wish come true" on both sides so to say and the Nature Spirits are rejoicing and sending me happiness. Considering the Nature Spirits are the Kindred that I connect most with it seems very fitting that the Wish, happy joyous future, Good Luck card should appear here. They receive my excitement and show me excitement in return. )

Gods and Goddesses: The Devil (This Card kinda shocked me at first as I am unfamiliar with tarot, but I think that was one of the very important messages the Gods were trying to send me. They certainly got my attention! I do feel that the Gods want me to question my fears, and keep an open mind to knowledge *especially as I had to do a LOT of research into this card instead of immediately seeing it as a bad omen*. I discovered this card dealt with self doubt and negativity (from other people or myself). I think the Gods and Goddesses really want me to self reflect on where my doubts are, what is holding me back, what I am afraid of when it comes to my Dedicant path. I think it might be a good thing to have received the Devil with my First Oath because it really is a sort of wake up call. I certainly have a lot of insecurities with this path but the Gods and Goddesses want me to be aware of them and work hard to understand and learn to move away from them.) 

After this ritual I feel much stronger about what I am doing and why I am doing it. It just feels right in my heart and although I would like to find a better spot to hold my outdoor rituals I am confident that I will only get stronger. 

*This will be a tiny bit long winded as it is a first post, but in future I will probably be a little more direct...maybe haha* You can skip to the end if you are here just to read my Week 1 assignment.

Oh dear it has been a while since I have formally blogged about anything that wasn't relationship related. But to be honest, it has been far longer since I have put a ton of thought in to my religious ideas and if I am facing one right now, why not the other as well, right?

I have always considered myself "Pagan" because I wasn't "Christian." I resented titles because I never felt like I fit nicely into one category. From an early age I felt more connected with climbing trees, playing outside, going hiking and camping, and generally I have always used nature to help sooth me when I feel unbalanced. Living in the Pacific NW allowed me every resource within a couple miles that I could ask for. I grew up visiting the ocean, spelunking in caves, climbing huge trees, going to desert areas to find fossils, fishing and collecting salamanders and frogs in hidden ponds and runing away from the city to watch shooting stars at night. Nature called to me far more than church did. So I decided that my "religion" was closer to a thankful worship of the unity in natural balance. I was thankful for the seasons changing, I was thankful for the beauty all around me, and being aware of all the little things helped me find joy when everything else stressed me out. Details; like a dew drop on a spider web, like the complex color patterns on the petals of a flower, like the various colors of minerals in riverbed rocks became meditative to me. Nature became my reminder to SLOW DOWN and appreciate the details of everything.

This is crucial to someone like me as I am a very high anxiety, people pleasing, extrovert. My life is ALWAYS chaos. I am always balancing a million things at once. If there is genuinely nothing going on in my life, I am miserable, so I am never dormant.

This is where religion and nature has helped me find the strength to power through the chaos.

I discovered ADF (Ár nDraíocht Féin) last fall when a friend of mine suggested we go to a public

Lughnasadh ritual. To be honest...I had no idea what that meant. I was loosely familiar with the Wiccan holiday Lammas but I had no idea what lughasadh was. All I knew was that this group was a public druid group and that I wanted to find a local community of people who liked nature as much as I did. During this ritual I learned that Lughnasadh was a Celtic holiday and it was very similar to Lammas and I learned that this local ADF protogrove cycled through various hearth cultures; Celtic, Norse (Vikings!), Roman, Hellenic, etc. This combined both the Nature Loving community and the HISTORY/RELIGION academic love I have deep in my heart. 
ADF, Columbia Protogrove, would give me something that religion has never done; It encouraged me to grow organically and learn from and with others. 
It encouraged personal religion growth and religious acceptance and understanding. 

Have you ever gone to a Baptist church and have your pastor say "Next week's sermon will be Lutheran. We all believe in Christianity so we want to provide a community for ALL Christians and encourage everyone to learn various denominations and follow the one that feels best to them while understanding the others as well"

Most likely not. But this grove did that and both my inner Pagan and Anthropologist squealed with delight!

A few public rituals later, I decided to learn more about what ADF actually was. I enjoyed the public community, but what was this religious label that I was becoming more and more immersed in? I had heard they were a Druid group. I had always thought of Druids as Nature loving, Academic, Magical Priests. "Druid" is a title that is very symbiotic with "Witch" in my mind with the difference being that Witches cast spells and Druids study, a lot. As weird as it sounds to some, I am very drawn to academia. I am a nerd, an over achiever, my GPA has always been high and I thrive when challenged. I liked that Druids were Academic.  When I discovered that ADF had a Dedicant program; an entire year devoted to understanding your faith, with book reports, essays, journal entries and accountability, I literally freaked out! 

This path would encourage me to truly shape my religious ideas. To GROW and LEARN instead of follow doctrine in a public space. Churches teach you how to follow their faith, ADF teaches you ways to find your faith and encourages you to dissect it. There is also a week by week program to follow that breaks the year of academic growth into small chunks. I like that. So without further adeu,

Week 1 Assignment: 
Answer the following questions.

Why have you chosen to take the first steps on the Dedicant Path?
- Because I am eager to learn more about Druidry, ADF and shape my own beliefs. I think right now is as good a time as ever and its ideal as I have a lovely study group to bounce ideas around with. 

Is this a step on your path, or will this become the path itself?

-Interesting question, while I think this is a path in itself I am human and thus I will change my ideas over time likely so this will be only the start of my spirituality. 

What do you expect to learn?

- I expect to learn more about Celtic history (the history of my heritage and a history that has called to me but I have not looked into researching near enough). I expect to learn ways to incorporate meditation and religion into my daily life. I expect to learn more about my thoughts on religion in general and myself. 

What would you like to get out of this journey? 
-From an academic standpoint, a sense of accomplishment and the knowledge to support my religious decisions and ideas. From a spiritual standpoint, I hope to get a sense of direction in my all-over-the-place, somewhat ADD,  religious ideas.

Do you know where this path will take you?
-No. And I don't want too. All paths worth taking in life will take you through uncharted waters, through roads less traveled, and through darkness without lanterns, it is through these challenging paths that we truly learn about ourselves. If I knew the end of my story I would never start it or never learn from mistakes. I want to grow and I want the ability to grow outside my original ideas. 

If you have just joined ADF, why have you chosen to work on this immediatly? 

-Mostly because of timing. I have the joy of having a study group community and there are several of us doing the Dedicant program all at once. :) I basically fell down the rabbit hole of "holy crap this sounds awesome" and would have started on my own though had I not had this group. 

If you have been ADF for a long time, why are you starting only now?

-This one does not apply to me. 

Does it look hard or easy?

-Parts look easy, others hard. My life is very busy, but I think a lot. I'm a creature of analysis and of balance but time is always my restrictive area. I also think it will be rather hard to write less on topics that I am passionate about haha. 

Which requirements appear to be difficult to you now, and which appear to be easy? 

-It will be difficult to find time to meditate. It will be difficult to write concisely instead of creatively. It will be difficult to not fall behind because I can be rather lazy. It will be easy to research High Days. (because they are interesting!) It will be easy to reflect on High Day rituals. It will be easy to find my heart in the reading. 

Do you have doubts, questions, concerns that you need to talk about?
-Not really, my biggest doubt is that I am leading our study group and I am really afraid of falling behind and letting others down. On the flip side, I think this study group will keep me motivated and I really do need that as I have a bad habit of ADD all over the place thinking despite my love for organized academic focus. haha

That's it for week 1!