Week 8: Meditation and Mental Training

*Written April 14th 2015*
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This week was all about learning meditation techniques that work for ourselves. This is not my first meditation by far, both in a group setting or solo. This is the second recorded solo meditation in my journal at this time though.

I chose to follow the Two Power meditation that was presented by the Sassafras Grove 9 day Brighid along. The meditation I chose was day 9 the "Healer Meditation"

(http://sassafrasgrove.org/2015/01/31/brighid-along-day-nine-healer/)

Personally, I like the Two Power meditation and I love how the Sassafras Grove broke down several Brighid attributes and made slightly different meditations that I can fit with my needs at the moment. A little over 2 weeks ago I broke my foot in a very complicated manner and I experienced not only my first broken bone, but my first surgery, and my first time ever with limited mobility. I am normally a very stubborn woman so having something as basic as 'the ability to walk" taken away from me suddenly was very hard for me to handle.

I have struggled with personal feelings of being "weak", "stupid", "invalid","needy", "an incapable mother and partner" and really have had a hard time not being down on myself emotionally. This injury has been far more emotional challenging than it has been physically challenging for myself. Day after day I have been beating myself up and feeling "lazy" for letting my body heal when my mind is still going a mile a minute.

So tonight, as I am home alone, I lit a candle and some incense turned off all the lights and decided to do the Healer meditation for the first time.

I expected this meditation to focus on physical healing, but I was very surprised and this became a very emotional meditation for me. As always, with my anxiety issues, I struggle with regular breathing but it did not distract me from being able to connect.

There were a couple of key points in this meditation for me:

-I am beginning to truly isolate chills going up my body for the waters and down my spine from the fire and the same is true of the reverse. No matter how clothed I am or the room temperature, I always feel this "chills/tingling" sensation with those movements and it really truly helps me connect with these powers.

-In addition to the waters representing Unity, Healing, Balance and Purity, they also represented Compassion and Forgiveness. The second the meditation spoke of forgiveness I began to cry, the injury I suffer is more of not being able to forgive myself for how it effects everyone around me than it is of physical means. I NEEDED to feel that coursing through my body, I needed to let in the forgiveness that ! have been adamantly pushing out.

- "Let the powers separate, and allow the waters of stillness to flow downward from your center, through your legs and feet and down, down into the earth, keeping only what you need to heal yourself. Allow the fire of the stars to return through your chest, through your head and upward into the heavens, keeping only what you need to love yourself." 

Again, that last phrase, was exactly what I needed to hear and think about and reflect on right now. As soon as I heard it, I knew I was capable of applying this and moving forward.

I have yet to have a meditation where I took away nothing in the end, but this one carried some massive weight for me emotionally. I was reminded that healing is not limited to physical ailments and that forgiving oneself is crucial to true balance.