Today I used my favorite Two Powers meditation thus far: The Initiatrix Meditation from the Sassafrass Grove. http://sassafrasgrove.org/2015/01/25/brighid-along-day-three/

It is 100% clear that I need to listen to these with headphones and that I need to re-listen to yesterdays Smithcraft meditation as they were both by the same woman and I could clearly hear her today with headphones in. 

I really love the words in this meditation, Words that stand out to me most and resonate among my bones are; Transformation, Mysteries, Change, and Inspiration. 

Although I am not currently struggling with anything I do have a grove public ritual tomorrow and I feel like I get strength from these meditations and a lot of balancing perspective. 

I still struggle with my breathing. I end up focusing on the fact that I am not breathing deep and consistent and that is very distracting. I am a shallow breather naturally due to anxiety issues so training myself to breathe slow and deep is a challenge. 

I do not, however, have an issue viewing deep breaths as a vacuum to draw the waters and the fire too and from me. That is both a physical action and a visual representation to me. I SEE it happening, I feel the elements coursing through and from me. 

Today I did my meditation at the start of my day and I feel my day has started on the right foot already! 

Today I used the Two Power Smithcraft Meditation from Sassafrass Grove.
Smithcraft Meditation http://sassafrasgrove.org/2015/01/26/brighid-along-day-four-smithcraft/

I am still recovering a broken foot and it is very chilly out this morning so I stayed indoors for this meditation. Cold makes my foot ache :( 

I had a hard time with this meditation to start with. Im very familiar with the Two Power meditation structure but the woman voice was so faint that I had a hard time hearing her despite the speakers on my laptop. I had tried to play the meditation audio and also background music with rain and thunder together to help with the lack of nature by doing the meditation indoors but I had to turn off the rain and thunder early on as I could not hear the meditation. Not a real deal breaker or anything but it made the beginning quite distracting. 

Once I turned off the second audio I could still barely hear her and I contemplated pausing and trying to find headphones but I did not want to interrupt the meditation or start over. I just took it as a challenge to connect and power through. In the future, I will remember to use headphones as I am sure they will help tremendously with canceling out background sounds. 

Things that stood out for me in this meditation: 
I had an image of those dual color oil and water toys most kids had or made as children when the waters of life and the fire of creativity meet and swirl around my center. It reminded me of how both elements join together and make something beautiful but do not lose their individual elements in the process.

I also thought it was interesting that while normally I get chills down my legs when the waters of life receded back to the earth this time I did not but instead I got a warming tingly-ness feeling in my upper body, shoulders and neck when the fires of creativity were drawn back upwards to the sky. 

For the first time in a long time, I smiled when expelling these elements, especially the fire. Normally I feel somewhat guilty for keeping so much but this time I felt like I was balanced and energized instead of desperate for the energy to get me through. The best analogy I have is that it felt very much so like I was lightly recharged instead of being brought to life. It was very nice. 

Around the time of Imbolc I was linked a "Nine Days of Brighid." Brighid-Along from Sassafrass Grove ADF.http://sassafrasgrove.org/2015/01/23/brighid-along-day-one-midwife/

This is a 9 day devotional to a Celtic Goddess that I am building a relationship with more and more each day. Each day has a meditation attached to it and I have saved the audio files so that I can use these for my meditations in the future.

Today I picked a somewhat strange time to do a meditation but my strange life means taking opportunities where I can. Every Wednesday I have a period of several study hours on college campus until my boyfriend gets off work and today I felt compelled to do my meditation before studying in hopes that it would help me ground myself and my focus. It worked exceptionally well and I have several take aways from today.

Today I used the meditation from day 3 (http://sassafrasgrove.org/2015/01/25/brighid-along-day-three/) The Initiatrix Meditation.

My study area is not quiet, but I have headphones and was able to easily tune out everything around me. I care not what people think of me closing my eyes to meditate in a study room.

I enjoy the two powers meditation with the dark waters of change and the burning star/sun of inspiration and I found it quite interesting that during the meditation as the vocalist was saying my body was full of the waters, that my nose began to run. The reality is that I have a head cold and it is likely there is no "magical" reason for the coincidence but I still recognized it and smiled softly to myself. Coincidence or no, the symbolism carried its own weight as I truly did feel full of the waters.

There was a passage in this meditation that really deeply spoke to me:

  "The union of fire and water creates opportunity, opportunity to change, to grow. This union below and above brings the courage to move forward, the strength to complete your challenges, the confidence to share the changes you have made. Connected below and above, you are upheld by the embrace of the oneness."

This is exactally the reason why I need to meditate, to recognize the balance, to see the courage, the strength, and the confidence that I am so capable of even when I feel overwhelmed or uninspired. When this passage was said, I was in near tears because I had been feeling very uninspired but I knew my own power was limitless and that I would carry this confidence and strength throughout my day. 

Lastly, I don't know if this will change or not but I want to note it, I always feel a sense of sadness when the waters and fire are dismissed back to their elements. When I hear the words "Let the heartbeats separate, and allow the waters to flow downward from your center, through your legs and feet and down, down into the earth, keeping only what you need for your own transformation. Allow the fire of the stars to return through your chest, through your head and upward into the heavens, keeping only what you need to strengthen your resolve." I always feel like I am keeping more than I should be because I truly do need it. I feel a sense of sadness that when these powers are both pulsing inside me, I feel very alive and safe and powerful, but when they are dismissed I feel the reality of life and the dread starts to eek back in. I keep enough to elevate my mood from before I began the meditation but it can never compare to the power at full capacity.

I hope that through this path I will find a better balance with the end of a meditation. I wish to be able to just sigh and feel refreshed instead of feeling sad that I will face the day alone. I need to remember that taking medication when it is needed is better than a life on life support. Just because one option can meet all my needs and make everything easier, it is through challenges and being human that I can grow.