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Get comfortable sitting or lying down.
Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Breathe in deep, and exhale fully. Shake out your wrists and shoulders, wiggle your toes and feel them relax. Breathe out any stress you have and breathe in tranquility Feel your body release its tension with each deep breath out you take Feel your body calm with each deep breath in Breathe deep, In and Out. You find yourself outside in a meadow as the sun is setting across the horizon. You wiggle your toes in the cool moist grass You smell the earth and feel a gentle breeze kiss your skin. The sky is full of colors. Take a moment to bask in your sunset. *pause* As the sun sets, you begin to walk forward through the meadow and into the forest. Everything around you darkens as the trees block out the last bit of light before plunging your world into the darkness of night. You hear a loud howling in the distance. You aren’t afraid but you know that wolves are nearby. You continue to walk barefoot through the forest until you reach a Cliffside with large boulders all around. You raise your head high and look at the rising moon. It is full and bright. From behind you, you hear a twig snap and you turn your head back to the forest. Before you is a large wolf. The wolf does not seem threatening. You do not move, but the wolf comes forward towards you. You carry emotion in your stomach but not fear of the wolf’s teeth. This is the feeling of jealousy. A wild animal, this wolf acts on instinct. This animal meets its needs without over thinking, judging, or dismissing and everything it does. The wolf is free and you feel caged under the pressures that are being human. *pause* The wolf moves forward, walking past you and jumps onto one of the boulders facing the cliff’s edge. It looks majestic and powerful. You begin to feel anger rise up in you unexpectedly This animal is free to roam where it pleases, to run, to hunt, to mate and your freedoms are confined to expectations, routines you hate, and social barriers or insecurities. *pause* The wolf lets out a loud howl at the full moon and it echos in your bones. You feel more emotion stirring within you, you feel a pull, you feel excitement. That howl made your palms sweat and your heart beat faster. You feel adrenaline coursing through your blood. The wolf lets out another loud howl, and it awakens a fire in your heart. Your heart beats even faster and you feel your ears and cheeks flush. *Pause* The wolf turns its head to you and meets your gaze. Then turns back to the moon. Then back to you. You realize it is speaking to you. Beckoning you to join it. You walk forward to your own boulder and climb up upon it. From your place upon the rock you feel a strong wind and it whips your clothing about your body. The wolf lets out another howl and you cannot resist letting out your own. Howl. *pause* You feel a tension in your body release. But you feel rather insecure about the sound of your voice. You sound nothing like the wolf. You are not as loud or powerful. What business do you have copying this majestic animal? The wolf looks back at you meeting your self-doubting gaze. Then nods his head as if encouraging you to howl louder. It howls again and you fight that insecurity within your stomach, increase your volume and howl again. Howl again. Howl to release your self judgment. You try not to over-think it, you just let it go. *Pause* Releasing that insecurity up to the moon, you remove that weight, you no longer feel jealousy of the wolf. The wolf meets your gaze again and this time it’s intense eyes seem to look right through you. It makes you feel vulnerable and exposed. Did the wolf expect you to howl louder? Is the wolf disappointed in you? The feeling grows. This feeling reminds you of all the social environments where you said the wrong thing at the wrong time. You feel like the expectations are too high for someone who was not born a wolf. *Pause* The wolf turns and howls again at the moon. This time you will demonstrate just how loud you can be! Howl with all your heart, from deep within the pit of your stomach. Feel your throat vibrate as you let the sound flow across your tongue. *Pause* Releasing your expectations up to the moon, you remove that weight, you no longer feel anger at the wolf. The wolf looks at you again and nods its head. You feel a sense of pride from the wolf and also within yourself. It hops down from the boulder and you watch it walk back into the forest without another glance back. You turn back to the moon, the wind still throwing itself at you and you feel the overwhelming urge to howl one final time. On your own. Without encouragement. Just for you Howl for yourself. Howl for all the things you want. Howl to release all the things you need to let go. Howl for the pain you have experienced, and the pressures you have faced. Howl like no one is listening. Howl because you are alive. Howl to the moon with everything you have *pause* Your throat dry, your face wet from tears in letting so much out at one time. You look up at the moon again. It remains bright and full. You released so much and yet it is still there for you. Breathe in the crisp air and feel the wind that still blows despite everything you have released into it Nature embraces your honesty, your rawness. Climb down the boulder and begin to walk back through the forest. You have no trouble finding your way. Think how much insecurity you started with before you began to howl. Think of your jealousy and anger. Have those changed since meeting the wolf? Continue walking through the forest and back to the meadow. Turn and face the moon a final time as you say goodbye. *Pause* Soon you begin to hear the sounds around the where you physical body waits. Wiggle your fingers and toes and feel where you are sitting or lying. When you are ready, open your eyes.
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Get comfortable sitting or lying down.
Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Breathe in deep, and exhale fully. Shake out your wrists and shoulders, wiggle your toes and feel them relax. Breathe out any stress you have and breathe in a sense of openness. Breathe out your insecurity or intimidation and breathe in opportunity. Breathe deep, In and Out. While you breathe, you feel yourself begin to shift from where you sit. You feel light and buoyant despite your body being stationary. You feel yourself flicker from a solid form into a transparent mist. One moment solid, the next moment, soul. Take a moment to feel your mist. What color is it? *Pause* This mist grows thick within your heart. This delicate sense feels warm and positive. You feel your heart expand, bathing your buoyant mist with your essence. You feel your soul reflected with a brilliant bright light that feels comfortable and safe. This essence is part of you. It is your hopes, it is your dreams. It is your love for your family and friends. It does no harm and it tends to all wounds with a gentle touch. This light is everything that you are proud of in your life. Your achievements, your hard work and all things that make you smile wide and your heart beat with a rhythm of joy and happiness. Your mist, this light that is you, continues to rise from your heart. Through your shoulders, through your neck, through your head, and rests within the folds of your mind. *pause* The bright mist envelops the cavity of your mind. Everything it touches reflects its brilliance. The person that you are, the person you show the world glows when touched by the mist of your soul. But… There is one area of your mind that will not glow. It remains in shadow. This place is cold as ice, and in the center is a locked chest surrounded with thorns. What does this chest look like? *pause* Your mist begins to form a shape. The shape of your body and you notice you are holding the key that can unlock this box. It is ornate and unique. You are still glowing bright. You carry confidence and positivity. You carry safety and love. What harm could come from opening this box? You walk forward and turn the key. Out from that chest springs a shadow. A shadow that quickly forms a mirror of your body. Standing right in front of you. It is holding a weapon, prepared for battle and it is growling at you. Before you can process this shadow form, it attacks you with the weapon. Impulsive and without hesitation. *Pause* Your light is wounded…it flickers and fades. You sink to the floor of your mind in complete shock. *Pause* The shadow grows across your mind as the other you continues to attack. It screams at you. I am everything you despise. I am all the rules, the laws you want to break. I am violence and anger, I am wrath and hatred. I am depression, I am fear. I am the darkness that wants to destroy and rip everything to shreds. I am the murderer in your mind. I feel no guilt. I feel no shame. I am the child that wants to kick and scream. I am the teenager that wants to steal and give into impulses I am the adult who would run away in a heartbeat. Who would cheat on my partner, who would I am everyone who you have abandoned and hurt I am everything you have ever felt ashamed of. I will destroy the world and do exactly what I want. I am stronger than you because you have kept me locked up for so long. …Wounded, you look at yourself, at your wild eyes. *pause* Your shadow is fierce; it wants to take control of the mind. It would be so easy to let it. You have let out everything you have ever tried to avoid thinking about and you are weak. You cannot let it win by giving up. Your soul cannot turn dark. You have given the shadow everything it needs by avoiding everything it is. The only way to save your mind is to remove some damage you have locked away. Will you face your shadow? Will you use your strength to remove its power by taking some of it’s damage within yourself? *pause* Your light focuses on one part of that pain and hurt you have locked away. Just one thing. One memory. One shameful moment of guilt that you have given to your shadow. If you can remove one aspect, one part of your shadow by accepting it, by recognizing that it is part of you too, you know you can grow stronger and it will grow weaker. What one thing are you willing to face and accept? What can you forgive? Try to fight back. Don’t take on anything you know you cannot handle right now take something that you can attempt at forgiving yourself for. *Long pause* A dark mist rises from your shadow self and travels to your light form. It meets you and dances around you. It mixes with you feel stronger than before despite how much it hurt before and how much you wanted to lock it away. You have faced a something you have avoided for so long. Even if it is not fully healed, you have tried. You have acknowledged, and by doing so, you have unarmed the shadow form. The shadow warrior looks at you. Its eyes less wild than before. You meet the gaze with your light. You realize that when you were only focused on the light, you were vulnerable to attacks from the outside. You were too soft. You realize that when you are all dark, you were all chaos. The shadow warrior was too dark. But when you faced the shadow, when you took some of its pain and accepted it as part of you alongside the good, your light warrior was born. Balance was everything You did not defeat the shadow. To do so would turn you to shadow in its place. But you faced it when you had avoided it for so long. Having disarmed the shadow, you can place it back within the box for now. You do not need to take on every part of its pain at this time. Place the shadow back and come to it another day. It does not fight back. Not right now. You have taken some of it away within the light and proved yourself capable of facing yourself fully. You look back down at your key. Allow yourself to lock the box again. Your light form turns back to mist. It has not dimmed, but it has grown wiser. Allow your mist to feel accomplished. It is no small feat to face your shadow warrior. You both still exist, and both warriors are important and valid. Despite the battle, recognize that your light still travels to your heart and your heart still accepts you. You are not damaged or tarnished. You are strong. Release any judgment you have of yourself and let yourself feel proud of your actions. Allow your heart to calm you and help you relax. Breathe deep and allow yourself emotion. Continue to Breathe and when you are ready, hear the sounds around your physical body. Feel where you are sitting or lying down; wiggle your fingers and toes. When you are ready, open your eyes.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
Shake out your arms, your shoulders, your neck. Wiggle your toes. Breathe deep Fill your lungs fully, and empty them completely. Deep breaths in and deep breaths out Feel yourself shrinking, this is not an uncomfortable feeling, its just a new sensation. You feel excited as you grow smaller and smaller. This is an adventure and you are along for the ride. Finally, you are small enough that you can fit on a small twig attached to a tree. Here you elongated into the shape of a caterpillar. What sort of caterpillar are you? Are you covered in hair? Are you covered in thorns? Are you brightly colored? Are you long? Are you short? Are you a specific caterpillar from memory or are you one of creative imagination. Are you poisonous? Take a moment to make your caterpillar feel like you, safe, comfortable. Your caterpillar is a new form of your heart and mind. It moves slowly along the branch and you feel calm, and warm without a care in the world. Take all your kindness, your love, your joy, your inner light and feel the caterpillar radiate with the essence that is you. Leave your stress behind. All your dreams, all your desires, fill your caterpillar with everything you are. You have no predators here, just a safe place to be your own caterpillar. You move slowly down the branch, there is no rush, feel the branch with your little legs, its firm, stable, and warms as you move along it. Bring yourself to a stop at the perfect spot on the branch. Near a leaf, near the tree trunk, wherever your heart guided you. This is the spot for the next part of your journey. You feel a cool breeze. Not one that can move you from your branch but one that feels strange. Feel this strangeness, its uncomfortable. The breeze signaled something inside you. It awoke something unfamiliar to your happy existence. You know now that should protect yourself from the outside world. Instinctively, you realize you are creating a cocoon around yourself. This cocoon is a barrier between you and the breeze. The outside world. Spin your cocoon tightly around you quickly. Urgently. The breeze awoke foreign emotions to you. You feel fear. You don’t feel safe around that breeze. You close your cocoon but despite your speed, some of the breeze got in. It seeps through your skin and mixes inside your body. You’re safe world now feels something different. It remembers. All of those dark things you kept away from your happy caterpillar break open and crawl like parasites under your skin. You remember shame. You remember embarrassment. You remember guilt. You remember pain. You are trapped inside the cocoon with the worst parts of yourself and you cannot escape. One memory eats away at your flesh from the inside out. Shame. It begins to decompose your body. You feel yourself melting. Feeling helpless and attacked by the memory of something you are ashamed of. You melt. You are liquid filling up your cocoon. You have Light, and you have Dark mixing around and you are at war with yourself. Who will win? Will this memory poison you beyond repair? Everything feels uncomfortable and cold. You’ve let yourself be consumed with that shame. Slowly, you start to feel a tingling sensation. It is everywhere. It’s both painful and comforting at the same time. Does it feel like fire? Or does it feel like ice? You realize that tingling is rearranging you. Your liquid is hardening into new shapes. You panic. You haven’t gotten rid of the darkness yet! You feel it mixing around you still. It will be trapped within your new body, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. For a moment, you feel defeated, you have lost, but then you realize you forgot something. You forgot about your joy. You have been so focused on the memories, that you forgot how strong love was. The feeling of love wraps around the shadow of memory and your cocoon hardens faster. You remember the light parts of yourself, and the painful memory of shame seems more distant. The memory is surrounded by a thick veil of love. You feel your heart begin to beat again. It feels emotionally secure. With each beat you feel stronger. You feel alive again. You feel your brain, your mind forms and expands. Its full of wisdom and balance. Your challenging memories have mixed with your inner happiness, and you have found a place of peace with both. Your cocoon begins to crack. You emerge and open that veil of love you have placed around yourself. You let your love expand and radiate from you. You are now a beautiful butterfly that fought strongly to morph into the creature you are now. You could not have transformed without your light soul. You could not have transformed without your dark shadow. Both were needed to start your heart and mind. Both were needed to burst you free from your shell. Take a moment to look at your butterfly. It’s been through a lot. What does it look like as it flies as it is now prepared to take on the world? Caterpillars are easily parasitized because they can be naive, much like our hears can be pierced with our shadow when we don’t expect it. But you have found balance, you fought to become who you are now. Send a burst of power from your heart, all throughout your body and the area surrounding your body. Let love and wisdom pulse through you. Release any judgment of yourself . Sink into balance and allow it to calm you and help you relax. Breathe deep and allow yourself emotion. With each deep breath feel that calm energy, and with each exhale release any pain, fear or judgment. Continue to Breathe and when you are ready, hear the sounds around your physical body. Feel where you are sitting or lying down; wiggle your fingers and toes. When you are ready, open your eyes.
Get comfortable sitting down. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Breathe in deep, and exhale fully. Shake out your wrists and shoulders, wiggle your toes and feel them relax. Breathe out any stress you have and breathe in the new day.
Breathe deep, In and Out. Picture yourself standing along a forest stream. Hear the sounds of the water flow around you, over rocks, clear and cool. Smell the crisp air around you, feel the cool breeze that the water guides, flow across your body and hair. Take in this liminal space, between the water and land. You see a large boulder halfway in the water and halfway on the bank. Large enough to climb, large enough to sit on. Part of this boulder is covered in the most vibrant, green moss that you have ever seen. Climb that boulder and sit upon it. Take in the view above and around you. Feel the firmness of the rock supporting you. River mist hits the rock and makes it a bit damp but not unsafe. Now look down at the moss. The moss is thriving in that mist. Attached firmly to the rock which is being warmed by the fiery sunshine, the moss reaches out through the flowing breeze and receives that misty water from the river. The moss lives in the liminal space between the rock, the heat and fire of the sun, the delicate mist of water, and it thrives as it takes in oxygen from the air. The moss lives in its own boundary layer. Simple, ancient and small the moss exists at a cross of all four elements. By being small, the moss can live in that boundary layer, like a greenhouse, taking in heat from the warming rock and taking mist from the water. It is a humid boundary where the moss can grow. Moss is often overlooked by those who are drawn to the vast flowing river, the surrounding forest, or the large, climbable rock. This moss is often stepped on by shoes but it continues to grow anyway, always resilient. Slow yourself down to fully embrace the simplicity of this plant. Moss is one of the first land plants to grace this earth. Ancient. Existing long before humans, existing before the time of the dinosaurs. Mosses are like the amphibians of the plant world. They are the halfway point between algae and higher land plants. So powerful that they have evolved to live in moist environments and can also survive in deserts. A brilliant green gift to us from the Earth Mother. Take a moment to feel the soft moss with your fingers, take in the robust scent of the earthy plant, listen as it’s spirit speaks to you. Shrink yourself down to join the moss in its liminal space, a space where time slows. Walk through it and connect with all your senses, listen, see, smell, taste, and touch. Connect with all of the elements in one place at one time. (Take 5 min or so to connect) Moss thrives in spaces where other plants cannot, other plants are more demanding but Mosses, in many ways they are a celebration of smallness. You have joined them, but now is the moment to collect yourself and grow back to your normal size. Find yourself sitting back on that rock between the river and the land. Your liminal journey is coming to an end. Look back over that blanket of green and breathe deep. Breathe in the crisp air, feel the warm sun. Having taken the time to slow down and embrace the small, simple moss you are ready to start your day fresh and new. Breathe in deep and let peace fill you as you begin to bring yourself back to your physical body. Wiggle your toes and fingers. Feel the firmness of where you sit. And when you are ready, feel your eyes as they open now. You are ready to come back.
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Amber Araneae (Spider)
My public journal space while I go through the Druid
Dedicant program with Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship, Inc. Weekly
assignments, meditations, journal entries and musings will go here. Archives
September 2019
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